Friday, September 30, 2011

pray for her



hey dear friends,life is strange and has so many colours to surprise us,it seem just few days back when i used to spend my whole time close to my mother,my life and thoughts moved only around her,even while playing with my girl friends in the fields in childhood i could not stop thinking about her,

believe me i waited for her orders so i can obey her and make her please,in my teens i always thought that after finishing my studies i will get the job and will always stay with her,in my dreams i saw the future when i will be able to support her for all her needs,

may be this attitude was the result of cold war between my parents which i realized since beginning of my conciousness ,but as we know that destiny has its own plans for us ,so during my matriculation when i got seriously ill and could not attend my school for almost two months i lost my science subjects and it was the time when i heard the voice of broken dream,

because of this after my school i could not get my desired job,though later i got government teacher post but till then my brother and his wife made the situation worse and under such pressure mother said me good by with the tag of arrange marriage,

although god blessed me with a wonderful friend as husband,but i still missed my mother always,after my first child i again joined her as she was very lonely when my sister left for usa,i stayed there four years and served her as i could,

i have shared it lots of time but today it is different friends,i got call form sister that my dearest mother is very sick and i have to leave today to see her, actually i want dear god to give her some more time to stay with me i want to hug her tight and dont want o let her go ,i want to take care of her as she did of me,i wish i can roll back the time and fill her weak body with strength again, i know i can do none of them as i am just a tiniest piece of universe but still my heart is shouting for it,

dear friends i am expecting from you to remember my mom in you prayers ,so everybody take great care ,,fight for ur rights until you win,never loose the heart,keep smiling,and have blessed life.god bless you all.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

love yourself



hey friends hope all of you are celebrating your victory against time,
each step you take up for next try is a victory because dreams give you desire but it is always a effort which leads you towards success,

day is beautiful ,airy and bright as always,today i want to share a story of graceful lady whom i met long time ago when moved from village to the city and took a side portion of upper story of a huge house on rent,that sweet lady was the daughter in law of her land lady,the lady must be really pretty in her youth,she was 70 plus,but still active and smart,behind her thick eye glass she possibly can reach one's soul,she was over all nice and gentle,but so many habit of her'swere weird

she spent all of her time in detecting others,everyone in the house knew that there is less possibility to keep anything secret from her,she was long time widow and had three sons,she owned house and other property and this was a reason that her sons obeyed her even when it was not correct,

her eldest son left the house when her tow wives left him because of his mother's absolutely wrong behaviour,he got married third time and moved to other city,second son of her's had a relationship with a woman for many years and had even one boy and one daughter but had no courage to bring the woman in house or merry her to give her and kids rights,his girlfriend often used to fight and break the stuff of his hotel,

unluckily third son was married for more then 18 years and his wife was living in the same house without meeting her son for more then 12 years,when i saw her she was 30 years old very charming lady,her personality was impressive,in first look she was neat and beautiful,and after having her few sitting i found her wonderfully positive person,her eyes had a reflection of her inner peace,

when she shared her heart with me i was shocked to see the depth of positive attitude which gave her strength to survive in such stressful environment,she told me that she belong to a middle class family and her inlaws are very rich people,from the first day the behaviour of her mother in law showed that she is here just to fulfil the position and has no right to use anything according to her own will,she decided to go with the flow because as a woman she accepted the man her respected husband and the house as her own home which she can leave in one condition of DEATH,
her husband was a puppet in his mother's hand,and even in the earlier days of her marriage he used to sleep in separate room and came to her only when his mom let him to come,she said meanwhile her mother in law stayed outside their room waiting for her son,and it was too painful to bear when he left her alone after some time,

when she got pregnant she was hopeful that her husband will certainly change behaviourarranged doctors to put her uterus ,and brought a little boy in house ,she used to tell people that her daughter gave birth twins,he was 7 then and not allowed to be with the both sisters,oforld lady looked after him personally and feed him with fear and hate against her and her daughters,
his children,but when first daughter born she was accused for being good for nothing,and enemy of the family as she did not gave birth to a boy,with her second daughter her mother in law
since her second girl born ,she did not meet her husband,old lady watch over so carefully and when he returns in evening she stays with all the time,and during the night she sleeps on a sofa placed in lounge even they sleep in different stories she still has fear to loose her son,

she told me that in beginning thing were hard to bear though she was always a god's person and remain cool when see people like old lady around who enjoy humiliating others,she said I thinks people like my mother in law faces pretty stressed situations in life,and treated crucially by others,according to her the behaviour of old lady was the result of cruel behaviour of her late husband who married her to happy his father but never treated her lovingly as she was not highly educated and fashionable,to make his dream true he married a movie actress and moved another city after four year of marriage,

so she was living happily and bringing her kids up with positivity,i admire her for her faith and healthy attitude,otherwise i seen people suffering with self-pity and losing confidence,i dont know what you guys think about her but i respect her for her bravery friends.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

hey god

hey dear friends hope all is going amazing in your beautiful worlds,and everybody is enjoying a new change in climate,and ready to say warm well come to miss winter,each season has its own unique colour and we must say thanks for these blessings friends,god bless you all.




thanks for giving me this while,

thanks for life and thanks for smile,

thanks for being so around,


thanks for healing all my wound,

thanks for making realize,

has to fall,one day each rise,


thanks for keeping away from cheat ,

thanks for living in my beat,


thanks for family,thanks for health,


but you are my real wealth,



Saturday, September 17, 2011

a girl in the vally



sun was moving behind the hill slowly but its rays were still hot,everything was still and silent except caw caw of that lonely crow who was sitting on a odd looking tree which was half dead and half alive,

the cries of crow seemed strongly belong to this tragedy,he was sitting on a dead branch and his eyes were stick with green side where few lashing branches were seemed teasing him,

she was not sad but current atmosphere around made little dull and gloomy,even she knew that it was just a side effect of environment deep inside she felt her skill to enjoy this timely disappointment and fell on her chair to feel the depth of it,

behind her closed eyes there was an unfinished chain of such sad alone moments which brought no one along to share their burden,the moments when she desired to see a friend beside when her eyes are opened,

moments when she wished to feel a hand in her hands which can deliver her power to fight back when she feel so tired and about to give up the battle of life,

she felt stepping in the desert,where she is walking alone since centuries,without tasting a drop of water,under the sun,her throat was dry and tongue was like piece of sand,thrust made her life less,

suddenly she opened her eyes with some kind of noise,and saw the sky which now completely covered with black and grey cloud,some of them were so high but some layers were as down that seemed hugged the hills tightly,

whole scenery was changed,wind pour life and movement in everything around her,layer of lashing grass over hill was playing with wind joyfully,fresh air was playing with her hair,she took a deep breath as she want to hold inside the new recent gift of environment in deep of her soul,

she stood up in the window and spread her both arms widely,in that moment she had the feeling of peace and happiness,atmosphere gave her this realization as she has a friend,and this friend is NATURE which could not see her sad and alone,and gave her chance to feel the bright side of picture again,


she accepted the love of her friend and once again front of her open eyes there was a loooong chain of beautiful golden moments,when she suddenly found support of her friend when she desired,her soul became a bird floating over clouds and under the wet cheeks her lips got smile which enlighten the whole Vally.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

friendship



Today when I move the curtain,

I saw the smiling new sun,

Its light was fresh and smooth,

In a moment, it mend my mood,

My garden had so many blooms,

Air blown away, all my glooms,

With cup of tea ,on my rocking chair,

I found around me, everything fair,

I lay against ,and thought the day,

Yesterday,which had gone away,

Its sun looked stranger to me,

Things were as,were not meant to be,

Felt lonely under golden sky,

Thought what happened, to me and why,

It seemed, I will never be fine,

Forever,just pain was mine,

But see, its you again,

Who did not let,break up the chain,

Thank you, for holding my hands,

less,who plant in the sand.



Sunday, August 28, 2011

blessed



hey friends

hope all is wonderful in your beautiful worlds,

i was away from computer for some days,as my son took it along to the hostel ,yes finally god made my dream come true guys and my son got admission in one of the finest university of the county which was his desire and our ambition,

he has great hope and confidence in himself that with his hard work and


devotion he will be able to get scholarship for next four years, within a month his teachers seems so happy with his performance and so we are,

my wishes were never so high but all i wanted from my god that may he make me able to give my kids nice education and healthy way of living,and i pray that he will make it happen.

after holy month of ramadan here in pakistan, our lovely yearly festival EID is so near so i am also busy with the preparation for the biggest day of celebration joy is in the air and excitement is on its peak,almost every day we go to the market for shopping which is still unfinished,

when i see my kids happy and enjoying all this i pay thanks to dear god and ask or same joys for everybody on earth, and remember those beautiful days when i was a kid and my dearest parents were doing same,now i can feel their feeling,and how can say i thanks to dear lord for blessing us with his biggest gift PARENTS.

have a blessed life friends and keep smiling.


Saturday, August 13, 2011

life is dutiful




hey friends,hope and pray that every one is enjoying being back to work,and ready to join the race with fresh mind ,dreamy heart and energetic body,,



though i am a house wife,but believe me this is the most difficult job to do, be cause while doing it a woman has to put away her dreams and desires about career for quite time to give her kids healthy life and healthy mind,

it is like participating in building a personality structure,and it takes a big part of you life time, great hard work ever and attention all the time,but love is a only magic in this beautiful world which can make mission possible,what ever comes ahead a mother would be satisfy tat she has done her duty honestly,

in my small city it rained after long long time and including me each plant of my garden looks so happy and fresh,

life is beautiful in each color of it,and is so short too,oh yes can leave US at any moment without warning,so please drag out the joy of your destiny from every moment and take each trouble as a challenge which came to teach you a new lesson for being better for today,


when I see around find quite negativity,but believe me i am happy, because i think it took out of me real ME and made me more practical about life,as i was quite pampered before,i enjoyed those luxuries of care, and having fun even during these hard times too,i am grateful to god who blessed me always with inner peace.

thanks for kind stay,
god bless you all.

Friday, July 29, 2011

old home part 2



he felt that night had all secrets of his heart and he thought that storm was the sign of those memories which surrounded his soul like angry wave of wind,which was blowing him like a string high and high,

his pillow received tears meanwhile which had unbearable weight of his pain,tear which had deep sorrow and a loudest call for his dear kate,

for the first time in life he thought his life is not useful to anyone,before that night he never felt such disappointment and loneliness, he could not find the reason,may be he lost his hope that one day he will be able to rise and move again,
one day he will be a normal human being like before,and will enjoy the remained days with his grand children in his sweet home ,where he will inhale his kate more easily,
but years passed and nothing happened positive for him,his own kids left him alone gave him proof that he is nothing but a old broken peace meat which only meant to keep in store,and good for nothing,

tonight he was ready to give up he closed his eyes and remembered the most lovely face of his dear kate and try to sleep deep as deep that when the son sees behind the yard trees will find him even more still,he pressed his eyes much to die and released his breath like someone pushes unwanted thing out forcefully, his heart seemed under heavy weight,like an elephant sat on it,and he found hard to breath,

out of the window storm was gone,empty clouds were moving away after giving the all of their water to earth,the slight light of morning start mixing in the deep thick darkness of horrible night,the night which dragged him to death was gone,

but he was at the gate of death knocking frequently as he want to enter in the world where his senses will not be able to tell him about his uselessness and loneliness,

death almost came to swallow him,
at same moment he heard a sweetest voice of his kate who was calling him,hey john come here dear,see i am here,hey john,come on dear,he was hearing the voice of her life but could not respond against his will for the weakness created by his defeated soul,

then he felt lips of kate against his dried lips,it was not reaching to him effectively earlier,but when her kiss went long he slight;y start coming back towards the realization,

after some moments ,he tried to open his eyes with conscious hard effort,he found a very little black bird sitting on his beard and its peak was in his mouth which usually remained open during his sleep,

now he was in his senses but still moveless,he had no idea that what was that little bird trying to find in his mouth,but one thing he understood that bird thought him dead my be,

out of the window son rose smoothly and everything took the bath of golden rays and became so fresh and beautiful like never before,bird sitting on his beard had put its peak in his mouth so many time and after every break it just stand quietly and looked in the eyes of john,like trying to find any particular expression,

every time bird did it john received a slight delivery of lifeness inside,he seemed that the soul of kate moved inside the bird and trying to pulling him back to life,this thought gave a relief and strength, he tried and succeed to join his lips when bird put in its peak this time,his effort had less energy to fear the bird first but after some trails he almost hold its peak then bird just jumped and sat on his chest,
outside whether became so romantic,john saw the glory and smell of the fragrance of breeze,a little newness was arising in his personality,the blue shine of his eyes got little more deep,like after storm sky became more clean ,fresh and more blue, john thought these changes were because of the kiss of his love who came to him in the shape of little bird,

bird realized the movement of his chest as john was breathing like a healthy man now,bird flew round over the broken stuff for while and then sat on the hanger which was placed near the window and close to the bed too,john saw him with desire of being close to him,he decided that next time when it will come on him,he will remain still and will enjoy his touch for long,but it did not come again,

then his maid came and bird flew out,maid said hi, to him,he mentioned that john is looking fine today,john responded his greetings with slight move of his head,which surprised maid as john stopped responding since long so he also stopped greeting him for quite time,

maid fed and cleaned him like everyday,and left,john wanted to leave early too as he wanted to see bird soon again,

wait for this little creature was composing a unexplainable strength and and energy which caused desire for life in him,since long time he never felt this excitement,it was purely a wish to be awake and watching it from close,

slowly his frozen senses start awaking,his silent calls for bird can be felt through uncomfortableness of his body which start looking alive and desired to move,his eyes expended his eyes to look for bird,and then he saw it coming inside with tweeting in its sweetest voice ever,

bird sat on the hat hanger for moment,and looked around like it was observing something,it took some flights inside the room,and again sat on the hanger,old john was happy,he got a point to concentrate and topic to take interest,


the main thing was pleasing him the idea of being close to a living being which pulled back the slipping robe of his breath,and he was considering it a soul of his loving wife,

almost half day passed quickly and easily while watching the little black bird flying and sitting on different objects,but he still had hope that bird will come on him soon,

after noon john was taking a nap,when he realized the same tiny peak in his mouth again,he thought himself a normal healthy young man for moment,after while he joined his lips to hold peak,but it was very thin and small,he opened his eyes and saw the bird,but this time it did not looked afraid much,

it took its peak out slowly and moved towards its chest,john stayed still and breath quietly,as he did not want it to flew away,bird start moving on all of his body,like he was examining it by using its peak,john felt thrilled like a child but he was enjoying it so much,

after long run over john,bird came to his beard and hold hair of it in peak,it start pulling it,john felt little pain after constant effort of bird but stayed still,finally bird succeed and pulled few hair of john's beard,it flew and sat on the hanger,john 's interest raised even high ,his eyes went more wide to see what the bird do next,

and he saw after moment that bird tied those hair with one side of hanger like a robe,and checked its hold well by pulling it few time,john was little surprised that what was that mean,his body was returning to the senses because of the touch,and strange movements of the bird,

bird repeated its moves for many times and before evening it plucked away many hair of john's beard,tied them same way with hanger and flew away before sunset,john watched all of it gladly and one thing which gave him a very sweet reason for living for further,was the aim to see the bird tomorrow again making its nest with the hair of his beard,

his beard, he thought, how useless it was until yesterday, but now a little creature need it to have its family,his all negative thoughts vanished away and he became a optimist person again,bird completed its nest in the same room with hair of john,and after that he laid eggs in it,

john told the maid to visit him quietly and avoid any kind of noise,maid was very surprised the improvement in john,as he started to move his hands slightly,he could not speak properly but he started effort to speak,which was the proof that he was taking interest in being healthy again,

the day when john heard the new tiny voices of the new born babies of the bird was the happiest day of his life,he felt that it was his own family,he wanted to see it himself but he could not,he told himself to do it and forced his body to move,the power of his desire made him as moved that he put his hands against bed and pushed to rise up,

it was fight against himself and after so many efforts finally he succeeded in sitting by himself,in evening his maid found him sitting against the back of his bed,he shout surprisingly and wanted to ran in house to bring his son but john stopped him in signs and told him to put john on chair next to the window where the hanger was so close,

maid did as john told,and while going towards the window he saw in the nest where three little baby birds were tweeting,while the bird itself was out to bring food for them,john sat on the chair,and found himself a new man who just had a family, He started looking out of the window with the new perspective of life.





Sunday, July 17, 2011

old home



the night was very cold and stormy, air was fighting with the trees of yard with all its hate and power,sky was covered with dark black sheet,moment after moment when clouds were booming ,sharp spark of Lightning throw the strange silver over the view for very quick while but its gone as fast as it comes down,

he was laying on his old uncomfortable bed which his late wife put here years ago when they bought new one for our bedroom,its foam was broken and springs were covered with extra pieces of clothes and plastic sheet,

the old blanket lost its color time ago,but if in a day light one focus, may can know that it was grey at once,its rough touch was unpleasant and failed to reach him warmth, his weak body was as weak that cannot give even reaction to cold by shaking


but if there was one to sit close and hold his hand could easily feel the starve and shake inside his body,his wrinkled face was seem to a complicated path of life where horse of time ran so cruelly and ruined his world,

in first look his eyes seem half opened,his eyes were like a deep well which 's whole water was taken out by strangers,but one could see by concentrating in still a dim blue shin proof of his undefeated devotion for life,

his head was laying against pillow little high and and on every visit of lightning his face seems like a abstract piece of art like his disciplined room,where every thing become a part of his move less life,

he was not as old only 83,but about four years back,when he woke up one morning his boy refused to obey his will,so after very next moment his life became like a puppet who moves according to other's will,

for months he could not believe that crucial fact that his feet will never touch the floor now,his same feet which drove him towards his each desired destination always,same feet who made him dance and jump in different situations of life,

after this incident,his only son kept him in the same house where he spent best thirty years of life with his beautiful wife, and held countless gatherings of friends,where every wall and room was witness of their wonderful relationships,their sorrows and joys,he could listened still laughter of his wife and him's,

but after few months his daughter in law became more concern about the cleanliness and health of the house livings,so at her insistence his son shift him in the room which wad made as storeroom earlier but seemed not enough later for the useless stuff,they arranged it for him if it called an arrangement,by the time his daughter in law many of all thing put back in his room which they took out before,


now since four years he was among the other useless stuff of the house,where a maid visit him few times a day to feed him or to clean his dirt,male nurse found the room full of unbearable stink,though he had put a pot closer the bed to spit but often it fell on the pillow and little lost in his beard,

his son visit him as less like he has forgotten that his father still exist in the old store room among the broken things,he did not see his daughter in law since more then a year,he had imagination that his grand children may be go to the high school now,

he was sad alone and strawing for the company of his loving wife and children,although most of the time he used to think about his loved ones and moments which he spent with him,that gives him relief to his mind who was tired of being alone,it was quite harder then death to him to just being apart from beautiful moving life as suddenly and left alone forever as he was worth nothing,like his existence was meaning less to everyone,

but tonight the train of all past years of his life running front of his dimmed eyes so smoothly,he remembers the day when he was young and his parents was so kind and loving,his father was a simple civil servant, his earnings were enough only to basic necessities,they lived in a house given by government, still each desire was fulfilled before he ask for it,life was full of comfort and like will always be the same way,his school which was not his favorite place then because kids used to bully him for his fat figure,but he never stopped eating his favorite sweets,

later in college,his desire for girlfriend made him weight conscious,he remembers the day when he met his girlfriend first time,it was a beautiful rainy day,he saw her in light blue dress with hat on her head,wind blow her umbrella away and she was upset and wet,although he himself was on cycle ,he stopped and grabbed her umbrella to her,she seemed little shy,she thanked him and accepted his offer to drop her home,the lovely memories spread a life full joy in his wrinkles for while,

but when he was remembering the faces of her parents saw the young man on cycle with their daughter could not hide the disliking for him,he returned with broken heart,as he knew that the girl he liked first time in life and want to merry her could not be him's,

but coming days were the most beautiful part of his life when when he took kate on first date and purposed her,and his joy had no boundaries when she said yes,a deep sense of life ran through his body,while he was thinking of his weeding day,he thought himself luckiest man on earth as he knew that kate would be a most loving wife and responsible mother of his children,

they found themselves happiest couple of world,after his father's death he joined the same job position,after few years his mother died too,he loved both his parent,and to heal his wounds his wife was always there for him,at one period of time he lost his job as government departed his hundreds of servants suddenly and finished positions,he was disappointed and sad while his wife backup him with her love and care,

she reminded him that he is the man of honor and courage and hardships could not make him loose,so he composed himself and arranged little money by selling the jewelry of his wife,he opened a little cold corner,which later spread in huge business,meanwhile god blessed them with a wonderful son,whom lovely face and innocent smile made their life joyful and complete,

he adopted fatherhood from his parents and loved his son more then everything else,he walked for hours joyfully having his son on shoulders and never felt tired,while remembering the first day of his school he still felt the happiness as he was that day,and the day he brought him bicycle and whole sunday taught him how to run it,the joy of his little face was never forgotten from him,

old man was still looking out of the window where storm was decreasing slowly,he could hardly move by himself,putting his head against pillow was remembering those days when he was healthy and whole family was dependent on him,

he was was handsome middle aged when his son got married,and brought a nice good looking lady at home,that day he and his wife were feeling so proud of him as their son was leading a successful and well settled life,

unlike other couples become almost enemy to wards each other, john and kate were still in love with each other,even in their sixties they enjoy spending time together,and care for each little thing and every feeling of each other,

again his heart was deeply sad while he remembered the amazing moments along,sweet whispers ,heart floating words,warmth of those feeling was still producing a heat of life in his old ruins,oh time the cruel,how can you do this ,how can you snatch her from me,he wished gosh if she would be here with me no sorrow could touch me ever,and why would i need anything else then,


to be continued....

Monday, July 11, 2011

child abuse


hey friends,

hope all is going sweet and smooth in your lovely worlds,

let me tell you the one more reason that why i am the biggest bore on earth,and this is that i am too sensitive according to people but TO ME i am a very normal person and i wish that every person should think this way,


when i was five or six years old and we had not move yet in my village,we were living in city Hyderabad,in our neighborhood not much near but same street, a lady used to live along her five kids four girls and one youngest boy,her husband left her and she was the only bread runner of the house,

i did not know that where was her job,but one thing which feared me most always that before leaving home, she used to lock her all kids in one room where she was living on rent it was on the ground floor and has one window which had iron grill in it,when i returned from school i stand there and tried to look inside,

most of the time they just lay down on the floor and busy in playing lazily,i can never forget those faces who had lost their innocence and freedom,and disappointment made them lifeless and yellowish,i realized that being alone and cutoff from the world made them invent such unpleasant and dirty games,which that time i could only feel NOT RIGHT,

when their mother returned from the job,mostly i heard crying and shouts from their house because she used to beat them regularly,and after this treatment when they came out,one can see their joy from the distance,it was like someone unlocked the cage and set off the birds,i think i was the one who used to wait for these moment more then them,

inspite of all strictness of their mom, kids were fearless and much more mature then their age,eldest girl was hardly eight i think, but dangerously bold, she was too friendly with the boys elder then her and dirty people could easily take advantage of her,and so the all her sisters and brother,

when my younger brother passed away and mom fell seriously ill,doctor advised my father to change her destination,then we moved into our village,but those memories stick to my mind forever,

when i readmitted in school i was almost eight years old,and for reaching school we had to walk over the hills which was completely new path for us but i was extremely happy i remember like it was my soul desire,in the beginning mom gave company,then i had to take my little sister along who was too young for school,

since beginning i was so much in hate for boys,when i saw that i cannot play and run as freely as boys it was the first and last jealousy which placed in my heart and still exist, they are the one whose presence squeeze my world,and as a girl we have to have some fears in heart as fear makes us to take precautions,

during my teens,for my prose and rude behavior my male cousins disliked me always,and even my close girl friends in school avoid talking about boys,

later i realized that because of my attitude i was becoming alone,everyone found me so BORING and dont find any fun talking to me,i really tried to change my attitude but invein,even my own sister got tired of my possessiveness,

after marriage i found hard to manage healthy relationships among my in laws because of my kids,we both were really nice to each other but when it comes to leave my kids with my kids with their kids i could not allow and took the blamed for it that i dont consider them my family,or i think my kids superior them their's,

i beard it but could not allow my kids playing out alone until my eldest one reached 18, he gives company to his both brothers to the ground, or me and my husband take them to the park sometime,

while family ceremonies,i tell my son to watch out brothers while they play with cousins,i dont know why people find it unnatural,but at least i am satisfied that my kids are not learning bad words and acts out their,but one place i am still concern about and this is SCHOOL,

to remove this fear i try to ask every detail from my younger one,that how was his day and blah blah blah...








Wednesday, July 6, 2011

relationship and modren world



i received a call from my friend today,who told me about our another friend that she got divorce from her husband and moved to a women hostel,she was married for almost two years and couple was doing not wonderful but fine,


husband had nice job, and lady had no in laws around,so everything was according to her will,but after all where two person live together,even if there is no big problem between,still they have little arguments sometime naturally,

but one thing they missed i think was little patience ,i see it everywhere now a days that there are so many problems and complications which can be avoid in our daily life by handling our ego and controlling timely anger,

one thing i realized that options,choices and facilities lead us towards the comfortable life,but still they bring complications in our living too,they make us free,but believe me that most of miss use this freedom consciously or unconsciously,

often such freedom tease us to over react on certain situations when thing can be settled down easily,but having so many options and freedom make us step ahead instead of being stable, sorting out the facts and facing the truth,we just chose the easy way and jump out of the situation without thinking that, it is not necessary that the other situation or person will be enough easy or perfect and will not make the life even miserable,


basically i belong to a village,and saw a life where people are not as advance and take the relationship as serious as a base of life,there they used to live like a huge family,like three brothers along their wives and kids in one big house,

fighting and anger happens in such places too, but there are two main elements which sweep such negative feelings away,one that they do believe in one thing that whatever happens they belong to each other and cannot stop loving and caring for each other,this belief bound them even more,and does not allow growing the other element among them called EGO,

ego comes between when we start thinking that he or she does not love me,and this thought makes us first sad and then quite,once dialogue is disappeared building of a relationship start getting weak and weaker..,OR second reaction occurs often and that is arguing on each and everything with each other,

in such situations friends and relatives can help with nice piece of advice,but it is getting almost disappeared now a days, and there again one fear we face that how can we trust or recognize the true friend and good advice,
as we are not living in the earlier simple world where environment was not as comfortable and luxurious but humanity and trust was enough for peaceful living,

we are living in the fast moving modern world where heights of the buildings decreased the length of one's emotions robe,and glitter of surroundings dimmed our inner light.


Wednesday, June 29, 2011

last good bye




it was beautiful rainy day,

the road was empty,long and grey,

i was walking all alone,

listening to the air's tone,

which was sharing, its all joy,

sometime bold and, sometime shy,

drops were trembling from the trees,

birds were swimming in the breeze,

every thing was so perfect,

but i dont know what i did missed,

could not take even one breath,

which could make me bit happy,

felt huge burden on the heart,

couldn't realize from where it got,

feet like had iron shoes,

tried but hardly i could move,

then i saw a lake and sat,

taking bit rest was not so bad,

i saw reflection in lake,

it was tired unfresh face,

it took moment to recognize oh,

it was me, but changed a lot,

where was that, sweet little girl,

where were the eyes, shining like Pearl,

where had the innocent, smile gone,

did storm of time, has everything blown,

then i heard a slight cry,

like quite far from it came by,

i looked back and found her far,

walking away along her charm,

it will happen,i had no thought,

finally we were being apart,

this time i did not say, stop,

as strangers do not talk,

Friday, June 24, 2011

here i am



hey dear friends,

hope you all are defeating pretty well the hard punch of season,and enjoying the still blooms of spring and relaxation period of vacation,

its been more then two days that my PC got back in home but it was occupied by my elder son who missed his online studies while the PC was out of order,so i beard it happily because his work is obviously more important then mine,

it's quite hot out there,these days sun is showering all its burning rays on the heart of lovely earth,but dear earth is taking it with its wide arms and loving attitude as she knows that it is the same sun which bring warmth to her soul when she gets so cold and deliver her a lashing green smile when she about to get brown and almost lifeless.

yes friends it happens often in life when we get some unexpected and rational behavior from our same loved ones who used to give us love and care all along,but it is life which always hold surprises for us,


so if something happens like this we should give the benefit of doubt first and then we must look for the reason that may be there is something wrong which is disturbing her or him,

but one thing should not slip from our mind that she or he is the same person with whom we spend lots of best moment of our life.

Friday, June 17, 2011

me and my problems

hey dear dear friends ,it is really wonderful feeling to be back to you all,

i really missed being connect with you friends,

hope and pray that all is going well in your beautiful worlds,

i was away from my PC because its motherboard and processor had some problem and i got nobody to take it to the repair shop because my husband was and is so busy with construction work in our house,

even today i am writing it from another PC which belongs to my husband's office,who brought it for while just for giving us favor,

i am honored and glad to found your kind words in comments ,hopping that will get my PC back soon and will be able to be with you friends,

stay happy and realize your blessings always,

have a blessed life

Monday, May 30, 2011

slow and steady WINS the race,



hey rabbit you ran fast,

but see what have you lost,

your true pleasure of walk,

connection between mind and heart,

in your such wild run,

may be you had enough fun,

but did you think of those ,

meanwhile so close,

you crushed under your feet,

who have been to you so sweet,

now,think you won the race,

but in mirror look at your face,

where has the gentleness gone?,

like insects destroyed whole corn,

and left the ruined fields back,

where whole green turned in black,


did you ever think of being slow,

the way all nature's things grow,

as life take step after step,

as smoothly we take breath,

as beautifully flow the stream,

same way we should chase our dream,

be still and steady in race,

loose never self respect or grace,

keep eye on the wining spot,

put effort with the will power lot,

dont push and crush any other,

stay calm,have faith,move further,

and then,when you will get destination,

your face hold prettiest expression,

your smile will always be with you,

deep in heart,even enemy will love you,





Tuesday, May 24, 2011

got along




sitting against the shady tree,

looking at the flat face of lake,

a simple guess am trying to make,

why it is still,why seems so sad,

is there any clue,that i can make her glad,

while i was having these thoughts,

a leaf got down on its heart,

then scene changed just in a while,

her flat face played with a smile,

a breath stuck in my lips,released,

dont know why,but felt strange peace,

i got key, to open her heart,

hold tiny stones in my hands lot,

then two friends,sat together,

we cried ,we laughed for hours,

to break your love one's silence,

all you need is a lovely sentence,

sentence which shows you care,

believe me expressions are always fair.


Saturday, May 21, 2011

Back With My Sharing


hi dear friends ,

hope and pray that every thing is under control in your blessed worlds,i been missing you guys but was not able to get along,

actually i had to be in my in laws house because in our home some construction work is being done ,my husband wants to alter upper story to our house so he decided to do it during the summer vacation as he can look after the work well this way.

it is great pleasure to see all of yours kind words and visit,i really appreciate it and feel so blessed to have all of you as friends,

today,i stayed at home and asked my husband for a favor that place my pc in guest room for me and many thanks to him that he did it inspite of all his business,i hope i will be able to use it regularly now,
one of my blogger friend ARIES from krazy monkey tales passed me an award HAPPY BELATED MUMMY:S DAYS ,i am thankful to her for her love and support always,

i want to share it with all wonderful and amazing mummies out there who love and support their kids unconditionally and beyond the limits,

they are proof that there is some creator exist who love us more then us and to make our life on healthy and peaceful ways he has blessed us with such remarkable guides ,protectors and friends,
i salute them and just hope that all of us just recognize and respect positions and importance of our dear moms in our life.


Tuesday, May 10, 2011

feeling much better



hey friends,

i was almost kidnapped by my mother in law for previous week,

actually her two grand sons were getting married and she wanted me to attend all the ceremonies of those marriages, so before starting all this she came to me along the parents of grooms i mean the elder brother of my husband and his wife and invited me ,but i refused politely because i was not feeling as well to join such parties,


at that moment she accepted my apology and left normally,but after two days she came again and almost dragged me to her home,
she said that she is not leaving me alone for feeling sad and thinking about my father all the time and it is good for change to be among lots of people and cheerful environment.

what surprised me most was her behavior,because we lived in same house for 16 years but i felt failed in my each effort to develop nice warm relationship between both of us,she was unhappy with me since beginning,

actually she did not want her son to marry me because she thought that due to my weak health i could have not be a successful wife and mother but my husband did not agreed and married me against her will,

i heard all these stories after my marriage through the wives of my brother in law,and decided that will do every possible effort to win her heart,later in few years she became bit nice to me but her cold behavior was still between like a wall of Berlin,

and now i saw her suddenly with huge change,she kept me all the time along her during the ceremonies and took great care of me,she told me that she want to admit that i was the best daughter in law she had,she loves me and she is very happy that i performed all my duties so well,

i was listening it with all my heart ,it was more then i asked for ,
we hugged each other and cried a little ,it made me feel much better,i thanked my dear lord that he took one relationship from me but gave me back one too,

i think such relationships are true soul of life,without them we are so lonely and empty,sticking along in every up and down is real meaning of love.

god bless you all friends.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

after you


when i opened my eyes rays were trying to climb on my pillow,but i could not feel that slight thrill and joy to see it, which i used to feel after seeing it everyday near me,could not receive message of fresh morning and bundle of new moments sent by sun,

for few next moment i felt myself move less,my eyes were stuck on the roof,where design got messed up and pattern seemed quite ugly,i grabbed myself from the bed against my will and put on the chair close to window, it was strange morning,everything seemed so still and meaningless ,i found a round burning ball showering its shiny anger and harm on my head and eyes,

saw falling tears from the tree's eyes,and crying birds in the blue arms of sky,

today air did not deliver any cheerful news to my ears,

all was here,but lost its charm,
among the crowed i was walking alone,

i made a cup of tea and sat again on the same chair,i could not figure out that what to do next,i picked my notebook and opened it,it was quite a time i wrote some thing on it,but more then half pages of its were written already,

its black pages were gave me glimpse of a huge noisy crowed,sudden feeling i got after looking at them was that i want to run away from it,i start flipping pages so quickly till i found white blank pages,i felt like i reached at somewhere i belong where i can find some peace and speak my heart openly with the silence,

i dont know for how long my eyes were stuck on those blank white pages, and what did they try to find,
but a moment came when i felt that i can write,so i picked up my pen and start sharing my heart with my diary.


Monday, April 25, 2011

will be missing you always father



hey friends,

dont know what to write ,my father died about 15 days ago,but i could not be informed by some reasons,so i could not be able to say him good by for his last journey, felt so much empty ,weak and breathless and was on bed for few days,

he was 64, but sick for two and half years,i kept him with me for one year and took good care of him, but about 8 month back he wished to visit his home back in village,so my husband took him there,where mom insisted to keep him along her,

i always found him so calm and quite person and too helpful for everyone around,

one thing about him amazed me always that he seemed always so light and angerless ,even when when my mother felt quite in bad mood,but he never answered her badly but only a smile and cheerful words.

he was not with us for many years ,after him we faced so many miseries in life but still could not hate him and when he came back to us we were happiest family on earth,

but life always play games with you,it defeats you when you think that you have won the battle,

i wish we could stay along for much long or could roll back the time when we were kids and mom and father were always there for us to share each big or small joy and pain of life.

my mother seems so silent and still after him,some time it fears me,right now i find myself her mom and want to wash away her all sadness forever with my big tight hug,

thanks dear friend for sharing my heart,god bless you all.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

steal



smile......, i need some light,

my sorrow,will become delight,

lets go for walk, or ride on cloud,

let us both sing a song of joy so loud,

as much loud that,all the skies should hear,

must be raining, lightning must be appear,

lets we dance on silent floor of sea,

take my hand and getup ,if agree,

or hold hands and walk on endless road,

as since yesterday, feeling little board,

why not, building castle on the beach,

over there,where waves cannot reach,

we can just sit and talk under tree,

can you imagine feeling as much free,

stop all doings,and should just take a break,

sitting beside and putting feet in lake,

sharing heart and sharing tears, smiles

from the busy life,must be stealing WHILE,


Tuesday, April 12, 2011

magic stick



spring has delivered so many colorful smiles to the face of earth,and one just stick on my lips since i am looking at my small garden so fulfill and bloomed,

it is almost 10 am,kids left for school and my husband is gone to his office,every morning when i wakeup every one seems in so hurry,i am in love with such moves and sounds who makes me feel more active and give me pleasure to support my family for their busy lives,

i except challenge of time and mostly succeed to sending everybody on time,

when they are gone house become just still and silent,like a fast noisy train just crossed the station, and left the silence behind,before starting house chores i take my mug of tea and sit beside the garden,it always makes me cheer and vanish all loneliness,

freshness in air is getting through the soul and delivering the peace and joy,sky is shiny blue and birds are enjoying their full of fun flights,i just watered the plants,so their glittering fresh faces are seeming happy and excited,

in such times i always feel like life is complete and has no desire,but it is not just true life always has space to add more betterment,especially to me it is more about mental health,

some time i really wish i could have an magic stick, and with its one move i could change the way of thinking of the whole world,so all kinds greed ,fights, jealousy and bitterness could be thrown away,

and sometime i just say myself to grow up,because it is not possible until the world exist,as humans we are bound to our personal benefits and to protect them we encounter all such negative emotions through out the life,

but dear friends it is cruel realty that we use these emotions even when its not necessary,its just our huge EGO which become larger then us often,and makes the atmosphere negative around,

when i see some years back people were not as irrational and loose temper,in my village there were lots of families who used to share one large house through generations and face all ups and downs together,

there were deferences but living together was not allowing people to be angry with each other for much long,my grandma always said that if you want two people to forget their anger and reunion them,just make them sit front of each other and see in each other's eyes ,you will see they will smile after a while and will be friend again,

i tried it so many times and it worked always,i believe that nobody can hate anybody,its just a timely situation and mood which creates the misunderstandings, and we just keep it on and on so little brick change in huge wall and we just sit silently against it and wait for other to come and say a one single word SORRY,our ego does not allow us to be first even we want to,

why are we so weak and be puppet in hands of our stupid ego,why we easily forget all good time and things we shared together,why we get ready to loose our good friend for nothing,

it seems that we all just became abnormal,little things makes us disturb and make this precious life miserable,

i witnessed it in highly educated people more then people with less knowledge,people who read heavy books live luxury lives and stay far from practical basic beauties of life as warmth of relationship or love and bounding ,become more depressed and over sensitive,such people suffer with Superiority or inferiority complex and lead a very unhealthy living,

instead of them people who taste all beauties of life and live it with its practical challenges stay normal and enjoy the every color of living, they do fight but dont stretch it so far,their healthy thinking makes all heavy moments short and light,they take it as part of daily life,and always remember each other's positive things more.

life is short and can end in any moment without warning,so why not just live it the moment with is all peace and beauty and the deep sense of gratefulness for our creator.


Saturday, April 9, 2011

got an award


today i want to thank dear NRIGIRL who honored me with versatile award for my blog bailiandi, thank you NRIGIRL its so sweet of you, now seven things about me which i have to mention are,


1 during the school days,i was always best in every thing except my horrible hand writing,my teachers used to adviced me often to make it better because they dont wanted to decrease my marks,but still its not great.

2 i used to have same dream in which i am standing beside the well,and then an eagle comes and hold me in its beak,but i am happy and enjoying flying over the fields instead of being afraid,

3 back in my village in my childhood i used to swim in stream but as i grew, water became my fear especially deep one,

4 about 30 years ago i lost my older brother,he was most intelligent and active kid i ever saw, he studied till fifth grad even when he was hospitalize,i still miss him so much in deep,

5 i dont like cities and artificial features,i would love to live in village where every thing has its original beauty and simply graceful,

6 i have a strange fear about snake,i believe one day i will be bitten by snake because in my village i killed five or seven of them,which we encountered in our village home in summer seasons especially,

7 as i am growing old i think i am getting more close to creator ,it is a feeling which makes me feel out of the world,i cannot define it.


now i am passing this award, even my all friends are well deserve but i have to chose only three,here are the names,





thanks for sharing my joy, have a nice day everybody,god bless you all.